Brutal Aussies are merciless as England capitulate once again

The Ashes series, 2017/18 – Third Test at The WACA, Perth, Australia – Australia 662-9 dec, England 413 all out & 218 all out: Australia win by an innings and 41 runs

In the end, it wasn’t even close. This was a resounding, comprehensive victory for Australia, making it three Tests in a row and therefore an Ashes series win at the earliest possible opportunity. It was as brutal as it was inevitable, sadly. And whilst of course there is a degree of mitigation for England, with the different challenges of playing in Australian conditions, that is surely only part of the story. England need to take a long hard look at themselves after this latest capitulation.

So, to the match itself. Skipper Joe Root won the toss and England batted first. Despite another failure from the sadly out of nick Alistair Cook, plumb lbw to Mitchell Starc, it was a good first day for Root’s men.  The Aussie quicks were very evidently up for more sport, and peppered the English batsmen with some quality hostility. Dawid Malan’s broken bat handle was indicative of the pace the batsmen were facing. Pace, of course, that England’s bowlers, sadly, cannot match on this tour.

Mark Stoneman took a blow on the helmet before being given out rather controversially for 56 to a gloved catch behind off Starc, when there seemed less than convincing evidence for the third umpire to do so. James Vince and Joe Root both made starts but yet again didn’t capitalise beyond 25 and 20 respectively. However, it was to be the Malan and Jonny Bairstow show, with Malan hitting a terrific 110 and Bairstow a battling 75 to leave England looking pretty good on 305 for 4 at close of play.

It had taken three Tests, but finally we had an English ton. Both batsmen were superb – positive, confident, and chanceless in the main. This is what England needed. What a pity it wasn’t to last or influence the other batsmen.

Day two brought England back to earth with a bumper – or several, in fact.

The Malan/Bairstow masterclass stretched to 237, a record for any partnership at the WACA. When Malan was out for 140, England were on 368 for 5, Bairstow motoring nicely on 106. Despite Malan’s departure, it was a massively solid foundation for a great England first innings total. However, the construction couldn’t match those foundations and England’s house came crashing down – the remaining batsmen being the cowboy builders responsible.

The final 6 wickets went for a paltry 35 runs, in a barrage of bouncers. It was painful to watch. Facing this revved-up, flying Australian pace attack is a big challenge, of course. But whether it’s against pace or Nathan Lyon’s spin, England have the tail of a Manx cat in this series.

Somehow England had managed to turn 368 for 5 into 410 all out. That really does take some doing. Australia smelled blood and England were far too willing donors.

When Australia batted, they lost openers David Warner and Cameron Bancroft fairly cheaply, thanks to good bowling from Craig Overton, bowling manfully with his cracked rib. Usman Khawaja notched a decent half-century before Chris Woakes snared him lbw. The main problem for England, despite taking 3 wickets by the day’s end, was that Australia had scored 203, with their skipper Steve Smith purring his way to 92 not out, looking every inch the world’s best rated batsman.

Day three was seriously painful for England. They had no answer to Smith’s brilliance, who switched on the cruise control, enjoyed his cigar, and finished the day on 229 not out. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Mitchell Marsh helped himself to a storming 181, giving the Aussie’s a 146 run lead to take into the next day. These were the huge innings that England’s players repeatedly looked incapable of scoring themselves. Australia were now completely bossing this match and their opponents.

The fourth days play merely extended England’s misery. Although James Anderson took the wickets of both Smith and Mitchell Marsh early on – Smith adding 10 to his overnight score and Marsh failing to add anything – the Australian tail added decent runs and Smith finally declared their innings on a mammoth 629 for 9. Take that, indeed – though quite what Tim Paine made of this declaration when he was stuck on 49 is anybody’s guess. Smith seemingly not doing sentiment – not when the ashes were about to be regained.

England had enough fight in them to end the day on 132 for 4. The rain came down, and play was abandoned early for the day – they had a deficit of 127. The final wicket of the day was sensational. Mitchell Starc produced something akin to a 90mph leg-break, hitting a crack in the pitch, to utterly bamboozle Dawid Malan and send his stumps tumbling.  There can’t be many times a wicket was claimed in Perth from a delivery that appeared to pitch in Brisbane. The word unplayable doesn’t even do it justice.

The fifth and final day started in surreal circumstances, with malfunctioning covers that had leaked rain, ground staff everywhere, a miniature gale blowing across the wicket and what looked suspiciously like leafblowers being used to dry out the worst sections of the pitch. England were not happy. The leafblowers inevitably prompted many and several “Ghostbusters” movie jokes across the media. But England needed something so incredible to save them now, even Hollywood would have found it too fanciful.

Around three hours were lost due to the weather and the pitch problems, and it left a wicket that was a curious amalgam of dry cracks, and damp, wet areas of complete contrast. When the ball hit a crack, it was a lottery as to where exactly the batsmen should offer willow to leather. When a wet area was hit, the ball kept low –  England’s batsmen must have felt like the whole world was against them by now.

Barely had play started before Jonny Bairstow was out, bowled by Josh Hazlewood with a ball that didn’t rise much from a damp patch, and decidedly difficult to defend. So, 133 for 5 with not much batting left to come, based on England’s first innings. Sure enough, the wickets duly tumbled, Moeen Ali, Malan (top scorer on 54), Overton and Stuart Broad all fell, and pretty soon England only had James Anderson and Chris Woakes left, in the impossible position of preventing a crushing Australian win, and the surrender of the Ashes.

Sure enough, at 3.46pm and nearing the end of the 72^nd over, Woakes edged a short ball from Pat Cummins to wicketkeeper Tim Paine and it was all over – 218 all out and defeat by a whopping innings and 41 runs – with Hazelwood claiming an impressive five-fer, at a cost of only 48 runs.

Wicket, test match, Ashes – what a moment for Cummins, what a moment for Australia. England simply had no answer to what Australia did with bat and ball, and the end of the match had a strong feeling of inevitability, if truth be told.

England skipper Root tried to sound defiant in his post match interviews but there was a flatness in his voice and a haunted look on his face that spoke louder than his words.

“It’s bitterly disappointing. You take a lot of responsibility as captain. Fair play to Australia, they outplayed us in this game and won the key moments. I am proud of the way we battled, but we were outskilled. We have been in every game, but not managed to drive it forwards. We haven’t been completely outplayed we just haven’t performed at that level for long periods of time. It’s hard to take but it’s part of cricket.”

Australia’s Steve Smith – an obvious man of the match choice – by contrast, couldn’t stop grinning.

“I couldn’t care less who gets Man of the Match to be honest with you. I’m just so proud of the boys; to get that urn back, it’s quite amazing. Nathan Lyon and the fast bowlers have been magnificent. We haven’t won a toss and we’ve probably had the toughest of the conditions. The boys have done a terrific job to get 20 wickets in every game. It was horrible last night, I’ve never seen weather like that here in Perth. The boys started really well this morning, and we worked really hard to get those last wickets. I think a lot of credit has to go to the selectors as well – they made some bold moves, and everyone they picked has come in and done a great job. We’ll celebrate this one first – it’s not every day you win an Ashes series – and then we’ll get to Melbourne for an amazing occasion, an Ashes Boxing Day Test. Maybe we can make it 4-0 and then 5-0 in Sydney.”

There is a confidence and momentum with Australia that is going to be very hard, if not impossible, to stop right now. Smith showed a countenance afterwards in all his interviews of a man who was not only at one with his players, and part of a very strong team ethic, but also perhaps slightly surprised that it had been so relatively easy for them in this series so far. Worryingly for England, they seem to have so much left in the tank right now.

This result and the loss of the Ashes at the earliest opportunity was tough to take for England. Yes, of course Australian conditions are very different to what English cricketers are generally used to, and the wicket on the final day was a lottery to say the least – all true and obviously played a significant part. But the feeling remains that, for various reasons, England did themselves no favours in other aspects of their play, and – it has to be said – certain off-field activities couldn’t have helped either.

Ben Stokes is of course the elephant in the room. But would even he have made a huge difference in this series? Sadly, we’ll never know. For now, it’s appropriate to congratulate and admire the Australian team for a ruthless, clinical, exciting demonstration of Test cricket. When both your batting and bowling is as on point as it has been so far this series, clearly, you’ll be hard to beat.

The batting collapses for England are far too frequent and must drive Head Coach Trevor Bayliss dolally. Combine that with the failure of the top order to deliver anywhere near enough runs, and without even looking at the bowling performances for a moment, it’s a massive handicap against this opposition. The margins of victory for Australia so far in this series simply do not lie.

Australia will see a 5-0 series whitewash as a distinct possibility, and England are so far behind the eight-ball right now, they may need a telescope to even see it. Australia will be relishing the next two Tests and the chance of a clean sweep. England’s feelings about these matches, one would imagine, will be somewhat different.

By Chris Tribe

18th December 2017

Copyright © 2017 Chris Tribe. All Rights Reserved.

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